BEING MARRIED:

We are sometimes asked what it’s like to be married, and especially what is it like for two guys to be married. The answer to the first question is pretty simple: Being married has made our already-strong relationship even better and even stronger. We can tell you what any couple can tell you once they’ve stood before each other in the presence of witnesses and recited vows to each other: Once you recite those vows and place rings on each other’s hand, two become one in heart and soul. Love grows stronger and deeper. It’s impossible to describe the miracle that occurs the moment you say, “I do.” Yet it has been, for us, a miracle.

As for the second question, “What is it like for two guys to be married,” the answer is even simpler. No two couples are alike anyway. Every relationship, no matter who is in it, is unique. We are as married as any other married couple. I think our families can vouch for that.

We don’t yet get all of the 1,138 federal legal rights marriage carries with it (according to a report from the U.S. General Accounting Office) because our marriage isn’t legally recognized everywhere yet, due in the U.S. to the ridiculously named “Defense of Marriage Act.” (Let’s face it: You can’t defend the institution of marriage by keeping people from getting married. Many have logically suggested that the only good way to defend marriage is to outlaw divorce.)

There are many who say that marriages between two men or two women harm the institution of marriage. The evidence we’ve seen is very much to the contrary: Where Mike works, within two weeks of his return to his office as a happily married man, two men proposed to their girlfriends and are now married. Both mentioned that they felt a bit of pressure once we got married. Among the people we know, the pressure our marriage has caused for heterosexuals seems to be that they feel a greater obligation to marry. They know we had to work very hard to be married when all they would need to do is fill out some forms and say “I do” over their lunch hour. So far, we have caused no divorces and the institution of marriage does not seem to have suffered.

Our married life is sort of like a middle-aged version of Ozzie and Harriett, except it’s Ozzie and Harry. We have a grown child who is married and lives in another state, so the two of us just have each other now. We get up in the morning and go to work. In the evening we come home, have dinner together, and talk about the day. Sometimes we watch TV, sometimes we go to a movie or go out with friends. On weekends, it’s basically cleaning house and laundry. We also try to call our parents, brothers, and sisters regularly, and Buckley talks with his daughter several times a week. She and her husband blessed us with a granddaughter who was born in March 2006, and we flew out west to welcome her into the world and spoil her shamelessly, and have visited her many times more since then. Baby brother was born in June 2007, and we will attend his blessing. Virtually all of our vacation time is dedicated to family, but because our blended Jeppson-Kessler family is very large we still don’t get to see everyone as often as we would like. We’ve both got great, fun families, though, so we love to spend time with them.

Together and separately we volunteer for various organizations. For instance, Buckley is an auxiliary member of the Washington Metropolitan Police Department, working with the Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit, and Mike usually gets drafted to help. Buckley often goes to church on Sunday, and Mike often goes to synagogue on Friday night. We often go to religious services together. Even after ten years together, and more than three years of marriage, we still feel like we’re each other’s best friend.